…devoured by the depths of depression, freezing the thoughts of this unquiet mind, destroyed coping mechanisms, undoing the bits of pseudo-happy, blinded by the depths of my reflection, claustrophobic sunlight lowers the ceiling in which I can function, crushing me and all that I do… beautiful labyrinth my fatal trap…
it rains and it pours outside and within me the sky meets darkness then turns my world blurry in a crying headache the sun blinds me as the will to live is too heavy for me to carry so like the stream of tears robbing the world of its colors and textures i let it go because i am tired of the exhaustion i am tired of this involutary rollercoaster ride that slows down but never comes to an end and will only reinvent itself as it destroys me from the inside out
with nothing or no one to keep me from its harm and although i can’t say for certain i want to die i am strongly convinced i don’t want to keep going… not like this, anyway. life isn’t designed to be lived by those like me, and medicine isn’t yet engineered to make it better enough for me so here i am – opposite of done.
Lie down won’t say a word Disruption of sounds Of an illness gone out of bounds Distorted perceptions Of insanity evading reflection Except it’s not there Nor is it here But somewhere far from my dreams Increased sensations As senses synch in hyperintensity colliding Mindlessly exploited Without knowledge nor consent Conscious avoidance Although I often dissent So very SubMerged in Nothing and All Dark void enlightens me So empty and colorful Shrouds my reasoning Blinds me in rays of effervescent hyper-reality Other side of my black rainbow. And I’m awake, acutely aware, much more whole than yesterday.