*subject to the randomly organized shifts ocurring in clusters of 3,5,7 hours… or days, but never weeks. Aka the ‘stable instability’ factor.
Por un tiempo desaparecer dejar de sentirme desvanecer descansar de mi pseudoexistencia. Es mi deseo, justa y exactamente lo que no puede ser.
In the space between measures ||| Filling the chasm [ ] In between thin dashed lines – – – Tracing the gap – – In between hyper and ventilation /] A void not yet emptied /-|]*
*/Cold inertia spilling out of me over everything ’cause I am here not yet there like a stain of dark ink my tainted blood paints it all I am done not yet begun like this storm I insisted to hold still but somehow just started paralyzing me ’cause maybe it can’t be any other way. Not just yet.]
In pure fear and pain I awaken, not having a clue why? Likely another undoable quest I failed in an unremembered nightmare. Again
in forced indifference the tears flow until I find reasons to make them my own. Then I cry more, in different tone. Again
sorting thru, discard, keep or use these cluttered things in my head.
sorting thru, discard, keep or use these tangled images and words
Again. My indifference frozen with my reflection. Then I take it, in different tone – a waterproofed catalyst to start anew once more
Sudden energy shift -back to where it came from out of fuckin’ nowhere with no space for readjustments not coming at me but taking that which I’d just gotten- this artificial energy unadultered now stolen in this double switch: switch.
Sudden instant fatigue –in slow motion my head feels so heavy in commotion my thoughts cluttering -overcome by inertia I collapse wide awake I must close my eyes my head hurts I must try to rest- wide awake I can’t sleep once again muscles tense my mood in suspense but my energy deplete.S lo w l y in creas i n g to 1/2 hyperness– whiplashed I am still may I please have more time before the next switch:switch?
And I can’t breathe… been this way for hours my chest caving into my hollow as I gasp for air. Lacking reasons except for this surprise reappearance of my attacking anxiety daring my composure.
And You don’t let go… we’re both far gone into this rabbit hole but unlike before you have no hold of my mind. I’m pleased and You’re pissed my dear Anxiety Domme.
Victory is mine, roles reversed… so you have no choice but to let me breathe again.
Up-down, left-right, upside-down and viceversa. Unstable motion. Through smoke and mirrors. This figure split in odd angles. All sounds off-key. Untethered perceptions. Speed of light bending shadows. Unfinished momentum. Dangling. Increasing pressure on my neck I can’t breathe I can’t move I can’t speak the energies flow then shatter my shell again. Undone limit. I make my escape from your tightening grip. I Shift, drift and change the prism. I am the beginning, middle and/or end. In Finite Spectrum.