it rains and it pours outside and within me the sky meets darkness then turns my world blurry in a crying headache the sun blinds me as the will to live is too heavy for me to carry so like the stream of tears robbing the world of its colors and textures  i let it go because i am tired of the exhaustion i am tired of this involutary rollercoaster ride that slows down but never comes to an end and will only reinvent itself as it destroys me from the inside out with nothing or no one to keep me from its harm and although i can’t say for certain i want to die i am strongly convinced i don’t want to keep going… not like this, anyway. life isn’t designed to be lived by those like me, and medicine isn’t yet engineered to make it better enough for me so here i am – opposite of done.