mEiOsiS

Stuck head-struck by lightning fast phrases & stillborn sentences in frantic pace marking the tempo 3,2,1,4 , 2,3,4,1 of this deep pervasive unrest in uneven measures that I can’t phase out of- not in ever likely just not yet Over-saturated & too exposed.

It’s too dark & loud in my head I can’t breathe much less think  as my world vibrates! I’m half-alive almost dead reasoning  in obtuse angles though I won’t tell. Depression reverberates until I relegate it all ’cause my brain is in shreds & my soul is too far worn for wear & I can’t heal that which I can’t help in this paralytic state.

SONY DSC

Sensory overload stuck head-struck in dragging motions & sudden midway stops very moved yet I am not moving. I am not me but something else & not human sitting below the current of an inverted meiosis: in dysfunctionUnSettleD iNerTia of Manic energy stuck in our corner refusing to change form to defy Physics though it’s splittin’ my ways beyond us. I am head-struck & out of sync yet not let go

 

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almA NoCtUrNa:NiGhTbOuNd souL

el horizonte ennegrece. la Luna en mi resplandece. traza mi eterea oscuridad.

juegan, traviesos vienen y van. sus razones- pues no se.

de s a l to  en   s  a  l  t o dan y reciben placer. de poco a poco me van cAMbiaNDo.

sus motivos tendran- lo se.

de la nada al todo me traspasan. su realidad seductora de la mia.

la noche e n G R A  N  D E  c  e. su ritmo sensual me enloquece.

sumisa dominatriz, cautiva sexual. clavada por la espada en la pared.

de gIrO a GiRo me van atrapando. sus porques- me dan igual.

de ssuspiro en susspiro me llevan en A  L Z  A. sus manos me dejan  caer.

calido frio en mi piel. de orgasmo a olvido.

de abajo hacia a r R  i B A marcando el precipicio.

esquina del horizonte. crepusculo inverso.

vivaz muerte subita.

vuelo A  L T  O en caida y va amaneciendo

de violeta, rosado y azul. de naranja, dorado y blanco.

mi almA NoCtUrNa, sin refugio otra vez y mas de una

jugada en falso. como pieza descartada de ajedrez.

sera una proxima vez, eso espero.

insignificante, vacia, yaciendo entre paredes.

dolor insoportable- residuo del perdido placer.

de minuto a minuto voy muriendo

de semana en semana desmereciendo

de mes en mes marchitando

mientras tanto mi ancla enmohece- me suelta mas cada vez.

almA NoCtUrNa en febril MaNiA sufre cada deprimido amanecer

digression

the Sky dressed in hues of Peaceful

clouds of Joyful fluffy white

a doll of foreign features not her own

her made up mask sewn like lingerie

& it ain’t right: but for now it must suffice

& though I dissent: in Thee now I digress

enticing sensual scent

wearing lace, satin & leather

hypersexual seductress on a whim

to a willing very eager victim

unaware of Thy existence 

***

You wear my face

I flaunt our body

My sultry domme

I’m your slave whore

Pushing back my tears:

in the echo of my faked laughter

Folding my death wish:

between my moans & orgasms 

As we feed My need to digress & Your need to roleplay

 

 

 

SOuth-siDE: SLope

Your thinking is L_I_N_E_A_R – but Mine is SiDeWaYs.

Thine ways are rational – as Mine are deviant.

Your sentences built as pillars of ETHOS & Logic.

My words align in loud clusters gone pseudo-ErOtiC.

Your plans are Sequ e n t i  a  l – but Mine are diver enT.

Thy brain follows straight L_I_N_E_S  and keeps Thee all right angles.

Mine flees in TaNgEnTs & shreds My All to obtuse try-angles.

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I’M stuck EVERYwhere. Outskirts of normal.

Fine lie, really SOuth_of_oKAy.

You’re free in 1 place. Social norm butterfly.

True smile, in norTH-bound-trend. 

I walk the edge carelessly yet won’t lose balance.

I wish for the fall yet my brain won’t let go.

But You don’t know & I won’t tell so on I play. 

 

 

 

 

rUPTURe

applied unevenly, the empty filling solidifies, often breaking skin. in painful spread-eagled wait i stoically desperate in frozen waves of obtuse affections. applied hastily, this slippery substance hardens, further rupturing my hold on damage-control. in half-defeated mission i frantically obliterate in a hot current of sultry anger. the threshold thins, and you come all over as i’m pulled under way below. distorted silence envelops me and i’m gone awry once more.

 

bad: adrenal.ine

all sense is arrested all reasoning is neglected in your energetic haze whether CMYK or Grayscale once you take over I am ablaze my soul in disgrace my mind disarrayed in the midst of this adrenal rush of scrambled signals making my biological clock run out of sync with no guide in this maze I am left in dark abandon lost in this warped transmission my paranoid stricken self is gone perhaps forever then in the blink of an eye my architecture gives way to the inevitable thus my walls crumble under the weight of our depression and my dysphoria as I disconnect under attack drowning in this adrenal rush that propels this anxiety and feeds this hatred that although not mine it is present seducing my hostile vulnerability that I display in variable degrees of hypersexual ways as my racing mind wanders in pseudo-suicidal trance fueled by the surge of your lively energy I both need and crave yet is often denied but for now it doesn’t matter because I feel you caressing the insides of my grandiose ego though I am not fooled:

You are my bad adrenaline, and I, your defiant muse.

Dysph0riC:Avoliti0N

zap of energy-1,2,1,2- time tick tocking but we aren’t in sync with this flow of ideas ray of creativity long past due so exciting ’til i’m raging zapped by paranoia-1,2,3,2,1- distractibility leads me to a locked exit with more anxiety attacking me ’til i’m frozen paralyzed except these 1/2 formed words & sounds trying flight out of my head but only crashing with this depressive sky-wall thick in my brain with transitory 1/2 suicidal ways & i’m still on my feet immobile unable to initiate anything plain flatlined my self suspended in limbo: zapped by avolition ray of irrationality with time tick tocking towards my selves gone insane.
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‘Nothing’s All.’
J.Truant, House of Leaves