*subject to the randomly organized shifts ocurring in clusters of 3,5,7 hours… or days, but never weeks. Aka the ‘stable instability’ factor.
Por un tiempo desaparecer dejar de sentirme desvanecer descansar de mi pseudoexistencia. Es mi deseo, justa y exactamente lo que no puede ser.
In the space between measures ||| Filling the chasm [ ] In between thin dashed lines – – – Tracing the gap – – In between hyper and ventilation /] A void not yet emptied /-|]*
*/Cold inertia spilling out of me over everything ’cause I am here not yet there like a stain of dark ink my tainted blood paints it all I am done not yet begun like this storm I insisted to hold still but somehow just started paralyzing me ’cause maybe it can’t be any other way. Not just yet.]
In pure fear and pain I awaken, not having a clue why? Likely another undoable quest I failed in an unremembered nightmare. Again
in forced indifference the tears flow until I find reasons to make them my own. Then I cry more, in different tone. Again
sorting thru, discard, keep or use these cluttered things in my head.
sorting thru, discard, keep or use these tangled images and words
Again. My indifference frozen with my reflection. Then I take it, in different tone – a waterproofed catalyst to start anew once more
Sudden energy shift -back to where it came from out of fuckin’ nowhere with no space for readjustments not coming at me but taking that which I’d just gotten- this artificial energy unadultered now stolen in this double switch: switch.
Sudden instant fatigue –in slow motion my head feels so heavy in commotion my thoughts cluttering -overcome by inertia I collapse wide awake I must close my eyes my head hurts I must try to rest- wide awake I can’t sleep once again muscles tense my mood in suspense but my energy deplete.S lo w l y in creas i n g to 1/2 hyperness– whiplashed I am still may I please have more time before the next switch:switch?
All & NothinG, End & BeginninG, NoN+UltrA: Ad infinitum.
Shifts I cannot stop, a subtle buzz I cannot mute: My parts rearranging in a time-space vaccuum
Alfa-Omega decentered, No-Thing is All- Things: I fall off the scaffolds of this hollow shelter
Frigid absence to the bones and Im starved, disowned of affections I am torn apart: rebuilding what is left.
Black indifference burning acid to my soul, unfair dealings I am up for auction: OOAK yet another one
Instead of birth-giver can I trade for death-bringer? Pseudo Genesis in Apocalypse: fed up of this unrest.