… I miss my nightmares– those took away time from this horror I must endure while awake.
On & Off or continuos crying for hours… So many hours awake…
Like a broken faucet, the water flows slower or quicker but continues nonetheless.
Night meets day meets night, circadian cycles start and done in this, my faulty biological clock. And it infuriates me. I can’t make peace.
Why can’t I just push through? Why must I spend so much time like this? Why alone? Frustration turns to anger, rage, agitation, with self-loathing beneath it all. Ugly truth: I’ve become an enabler to this depression- loosing some more brain cells, feeding them to this illness. And it mocks me again, voices laughing so loud- so stupid of me to play brave.