3: Out-of-Order Act III

present moment (unfortunately): voicesarecruelinmyhead. i am helpless at the mercy of this-  taken hostage. i fall and break beyond repair… again. i wanna cry and scream and die or disappear. i can’t do it 100%–  as if holding back for so long today pissed my brain off, so now it won’t allow me the much needed release. tears fill the gaps in my skull anyway, resulting in a pulsing headache– company for the nausea, lightheaded, dizzy anxiety that has been attacking me all fucking day… i feel awful- i did accomplish most of my goals for today… but keeping this anxious horror at bay takes such a huge toll – too exhausted to feel good or ok. ungrateful looser, I am. Out of Order indefinitely. once more, sick cycle. life slips away every second and so do i.