Time doesn’t move fast enough! There is no speed that matches that of my thoughts breaking the maximum threshold of this overworked, sleep deprived brain. Spontaneous excitement -curious sense of wonder around everything but why? The words in my head mingle increasingly louder, drowning the real world in the background. My extra sharp mind runs in different frequencies all at once, getting all my work done… in 1/2 the time or less. My heart goes boom: Fan-fuckin’-tastic!
Go, go go! No one can slow this Chosen One down! Past the barely perceptible emergency sirens, past the whispers of someone that knows it’s STOP time… Sleep is for the weak, and that I am not. Long forgotten needs surface fulfilled by the joy of online shopping sprees. Sounds become seductive, higher pitched- like my sex-oriented mind. So in this naturally induced buzz I keep going like the Energizer Bunny… except I’m a hot, sexy, playful lady, will you join my game?
My speech is too fast, hence my breath doesn’t quite make it to my brain. Don’t dare get close to me– friend or foe? My rage can’t tell them apart. I clutch onto the notion I’m fine-until I’m clearly not. There is only so much capacity my brain has to keep this altered reality going, this subconscious way for my mind to escape me. Hypomania/Mania is my organic drug of choice, no alcohol or chemical can match it. Yes, I love my hypomanic persona-until a line is crossed but where is it? Like when a night of rough sex turns too rough…
***and within that lies its danger. unlike alcohol, or drugs,
there is no clear enough sign of hypomanic/manic toxicity. there is no nausea, pain, blurry vision or other obvious bodily signal to warn us we’ve crossed the line of no return– except if you very intently look for them, training your mind- until then… the hangover of hypomania/mania will dawn on you in the aftermath of broken relationships, lost friends, family conflict, unfinished careers/studies, credit card debt… or even more serious things like hospitalizations, crimes, or lost jobs – and inevitably , depression itself.
Hypomania/Mania is in your face, selfish, and on a serious power trip. It deceives uswith its charming, fun personality. Who are we to get in its way? We own it but can’t challenge it yet. ***enter depression