bittersweetness coated in anger capsules

(sigh) I did it… I panicked, was breathless,lightheaded, irritable, holding back tears, walking the edge between “endure this, or flee the fuck out of here!” modes- as I walked the aisles and gathered much procrastinated household items. My anger was a safety coating from my own depersonalizing rapid misfiring brain mode.When I got to my car, I was an anxiety-stricken mess, but I gathered my remains for the short endless drive home. I wasn’t able to do other things_But considering how house-bound I’ve been –today’s a big winin a recyclable loser gift bag. Yeah, sad. Of course, I’m positive… but when your life has escaped your hands and you feel so close to finally! getting a grip, it’s very frustrating to loose it again so quickly. I know that, but my mentally manic emotionally depressed brain says it’s bullshit. I got home, didn’t get to do anything… I’m still recovering, hours later. I don’t like anger but if it will allow me to beat anxiety & get my life back, yay anger… just leave me alone so I can feel good enough to follow up and not end up like this….. Ugh.

Bittersweetness coated in anger capsules: Take as needed.

Watch out for whatever comes next. Bloody amazing (sarcasm).

Advertisements