+ years later

There is nothing like the bone-breaking weight of words that need to come out. Psychological trauma at any age doesn’t cause Bipolar Disorder! Does it trigger the onset? Yes. It goes under environmental factors, usually after genetics or biology in the sentence that tries to answer what causes BD. Right before the testimonials of people that are never real enough. Does it prepare us to deal with BD? I had always seen it as something that did help me in facing this conglomeration of chaos: like wearing an insulating fabric with sexy black stilettos while walking in the fire, heavy metal in the background. The thought of not having learned adequate coping skills catching up to me never crossed my mind… until now, **+years later… which brings me toTrauma of any sort isn’t just measured by intensity. Depression is complicated, kind of an onion that changes with each peeling layer. Years ago, I thought about more intense as being worse. However, I’ve come across much stronger intensities and functioned better. The difference? Those weren’t triggered by circumstances resembling my trauma. I’m glad my doctor connected those dots. (sighs) now if I can get my subconscious to cooperate… and more storage space! i keep running out of drawers in my head.

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