Of WHAT’s and WHY’s

Beware: This post isn’t all artsy and manic-depressed as most others.
This is weird. I feel as compelled as many other times when I write, have more coherent thoughts, am more ‘level-headed’… yet I don’t know where to start or how. Nor do I feel confident. Then again, that has bipolar written all over it!I want to share some very meaningful words from the wise man that is my psychiatrist.

Me: (ranting) WHY am I like this? WHY must I feel this way? WHY did I worsen after having overcome so much? etc…

My Doctor: I want you to do an exercise. Every time you ask WHY, also ask yourself WHAT can you do that makes you feel better. Start by asking WHAT was it that you did in the past. WHY? is a question that has no definite answer.  You and I are powerless in front of it. However, WHAT? you can do or did, is a question that does have answers. It’s something to work with.

“You need to focus on WHAT not on WHY…” I wrote that on a paper and stuck it on my wall.

I have never been the same. My condition has gotten worse, but practicing those words have helped. Today, I hurt everywhere. I feel like my life is a nightmare. I feel an overwhelming hunger to disappear. I am also…