I have no clue how many times I wash my hands_or_ How many times I use hand sanitizer with high alcohol percentage in absence of proper antibacterial soap and water. Yes, I read the tiny print on the labels. Beware of low alcohol percentage so-called sanitizers! A brain embedded compulsive ritual to reiterate my contamination obsession, stemming from a life spent being washed away, in an enforced OCD home.
It’s too many times to count.
As per recent observation, this handwashing ordeal has turned from a
frustrating activity, to a somewhat soothing one. It puzzles me, to say the least. A fleeting mind-fuck in which I delusion this chaos will disappear or disintegrate -if I wash enough times, or do it the right way. Until I realize -again- my chaos won’t come clean by such limited means. For now, suffice it to say that I’m filthy clean.